This is Hard

My son had his Fall choir concert this last week. I was so happy to attend and see how much improved they are this year. He will go far in life, but I won't be there to see it. Every time I think about that, I am devastated.

I have not had a good week, but I put together some more thoughts on how this disease works. During the initial transition, when the pituitary goes into overdrive, it forces the Candida into cells. Then it exists there, but it isn't until much later - years later, when the various other transitions are finished that the candida is finally fueled by sugars. This is when the Na/K pump runs in reverse, as the sugar is processed by the candida and it generates potassium, this then makes the cells apoptotic, shrinking them.

I'm done thinking about the process, someone else can figure out the rest. I struggle daily with burning skin, muscle tightness, back pain, and more. Honestly, I can deal with all of that. The real struggle is simply knowing that on any day, my body may decide it can no longer push food through my system. This is a daily struggle. Currently, I take something over-the-counter that helps, but its efficacy is waning.

So, every day, I feel mostly like myself, but I deal with the ephemerality of it all. That thing you know you have to do next week, I can't count on it. That insight I want to be there to give someday, I know I will not be. It is hard.